About

This blog is called Middle Age Fury. It’s Middle Age Fury because I’m middle aged now (much as I find it hard to believe and say; Does over 50 qualify?) and I have some fury. Fury at the world, fury at lost, squandered opportunities.

And by squandered opportunities, I could point at a lot of things. But the number one thing in my craw is that I feel I could be a lot further ahead in my career than I currently am. I graduated with a Masters degree in computer science from a top school maybe a year after Google was founded (late 90s); Before the dot-com bust. But I played it safe; I worked at a large company right after grad school and never made my way out to Silicon Valley. Sure, I did a few startups and even moved to SoCal for an opportunity, but still never got to Silicon Valley.

Then I moved back to NYC and worked at banks. And then eventually became a Project/Program Manager. And while that sounds like a lofty position, (probably because the word “manager” is in it and you seemingly have some authority), let me tell you, you’re just everyone’s bitch.

It was fun for a while. I got to run things and learn different aspects of IT, wearing many hats. Whatever it took, to get the job done and to get the project across the finish line. One day, I’d be QAing something, another day, I’d be doing production support and another I’d be leading a scrum of scrums. I was involved in some awesome, fun projects back in the day.

But as the industry became more ossified because of the plethora of new roles (I mean I even did what they call product management these days), I’ve been increasingly told to stay in my lane. And I’m a generalist damnit. I like doing diverse things. And now I really am unable to.

I know, get a new job right? I’ve been trying! I’ve only had a handful of interviews in 3 years. I can probably count them on 2 hands. And 0 offers. Nowadays, I’ll easily go 6 months without a bite. And also, because of RIFs at the Magnificent 7 companies, I have to compete with so-called TPMs from Amazon, Google, Meta, etc. who have experience with actual planet-scale systems. I’ve never dealt with that size of system. I’m not sure I can compete. The interview processes look grueling in those places.

The other thing I realized is that the Project/Program Manager is essentially a dead-end. You’re always someone’s bitch. I had some idiotic vague notion that I would eventually rise up to a position where I would be the one holding the cards and telling people what to do. You know, like Matchbox 20’s song Real World:

Well, I wonder what it’s like to be the head honcho

I wonder what I’d do if they all did just what I said (Just what I said)

Well, I’d shout out an order, “I think we’re out of this, man, get me some”

Boy, don’t make me wanna change my tone My tone (Yeah, yeah)

Unfortunately, that is plain wrong. I needed to have jumped to an actual business area where I could give requirements and build a business and have project managers working for me.

No one clued me into this. So now I’m middle aged, with no prospects for leading any kind of functional area and with bad prospects for finding another project management job. And which truthfully would just make me someone else’s bitch anyway.

So with only about 10 years left (if even that!) before I get age-discriminated against in this industry (hint: i think that’s already happening, btw), I am furious! I realize I need to take my fate, my destiny into my own hands. And so that’s what this fricking blog is about.